Have you ever thought about what your purpose is?
Plus: What to do when you don't feel good enough.
This month, I decided to write out, on paper, the answer to this question:
What difference do I want to make in the world?
What is my purpose? I needed the answer. Here’s what I came up with:
I want to eradicate stigma against and create acceptance and accessibility for all neurodivergent (mentally disabled) people.
I liked having a clear statement of my purpose a LOT. For the past few weeks this statement of purpose has helped me focus every decision I’ve made, every goal, every plan.
Including this one:
I’m so proud to announce I’ve founded an organization dedicated to inclusion of neurodiversity in the equestrian community: NeuroEq. You can learn more about us on our website-in-progress (bit.ly/neuroeq) and on our Instagram (instagram.com/neuroeq).
As an autistic and equestrian with bipolar disorder, I bring all kinds of neurodiversity to the equestrian community. And, to my shock (really), each person I shared my vision with was wildly enthusiastic. One of them even designed our logo.
I’m thrilled to bring together my life’s purpose and my love of horses, which, incidentally, aren’t too far apart from one another. We just started, but we’re growing. I can’t wait to see where this project leads.
Moving on…
Do you ever struggle with not feeling good enough?
Here’s an excerpt of my most recent essay, this one on self-worth. Self-worth is tied up so much with our mental health, including depression and anxiety. Plus, if you grew up with autism or ADHD, you might have low feelings about your self-worth because adults in your life made you feel bad about yourself.
Over the past year or two, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my feelings about my self-worth, and I didn’t like where those thoughts took me. I never thought of myself as someone with low feelings of self-worth, but guess what? I was wrong. In this essay, I write about ways these bad feelings might manifest in our lives AND about what we can do to stop the negative patterns of thinking.
Here’s the opening. You can read the rest (for free) at the link.
On Not Feeling Good Enough, and What to Do About It.
:: I’ve spent most of my life not feeling good enough. Like I have something to prove. You might feel the same, but the good news is, we don’t have to live this way. ::
I’ve spent most of my life not feeling good enough. Like I have something to prove. To whom? That’s the hard question to answer. But I’m not the only person on our lovely planet who feels this way. I’m not the only one with a hole inside me that I keep trying to fill with accomplishments in order to feel more valid, more worthy.
Only recently have I begun to look into that hole and realize that it is bottomless. No matter how much I toss into it, it will never be filled. The hole was created by past pain, and I need to leave it behind me. Accomplishments aren’t what determines my self-worth.
I’m going to say that again:
Accomplishments do not determine our self-worth.
Examples help. Here are a few that may or may not be personal.
✤ Winning every tennis match does not determine our self-worth. (Besides that, the task is impossible.) Playing our best does, and treating our teammates with respect does.
✤ Publishing a book a year does not determine our self-worth. Writing a perfect book does not determine our self work (another impossible task.) Writing a book we love does, one that helps people or makes people happy.
✤ Racing after a better job title or a bigger salary does not determine our self-worth. Doing work we find fulfilling does. Figuring out our life’s mission and making the wold a better place does. (This one is steeped in privilege, so let’s keep that in mind.)
What happens when you try to fill an unfillable hole with wins in order to feel worthy? You never feel worthy. When you lose, you feel like garbage. And when you win, you feel terror that next time, you might lose.
Never do you get to savor your accomplishments. Those wins? You toss them right into the hole, and they’re gone.
I hope you have a wonderful week.
-Katie
Congratulations much success.